that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
