Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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