Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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