On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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