Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i drank out of a bidet.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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