dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
