I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
