did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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