just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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