It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
