I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
