He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
