so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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