I could make wine with my vomit
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
