I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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