Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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