My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
