This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
