Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
