Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize