super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
