he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
