Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
