um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize