she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
