im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
