You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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