So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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