You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize