Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
