Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize