the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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