I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
