first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My liver just had a heart attack.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
