I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
