No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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