Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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