I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
