I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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