My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
