I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
