I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
