So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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