When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Randomize
