u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
