Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i think i just lost a toe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
