You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
