i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
