would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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