It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
