I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
