so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
