She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
