A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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