Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
