Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
