Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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