somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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