One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
