what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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