She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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