My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
