these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
