Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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