I puked a lego.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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