worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
