i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
