dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We have started to decorate penises.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
